New Beginnings..

The house felt alive for the first time in months, my husband going around with a tray full of drinks, his loud exuberance infectious and holy in its happiness. Noisy chatter and lively music filled my ears and I smiled. The surprise had been totally unexpected; after the relentless and unforgiving hours spent at office the surprise had been a welcome relief, a reminder that I was still loved and cherished. I looked around at the crowd that had gathered to celebrate my birthday as my daughter came running up to me, her eyes bright and luminous.

‘Happy birthday Maman!! ’ she screamed almost gleefully and hugged me tight, her small arms unable to span the entire width of my waist. I sighed and picked up her frail little body to hold her close, her sweet scent filling my nostrils.

‘Thank you, sweetheart,’ I whispered softly. I looked over my daughter’s back at my husband, willing him to turn his gaze towards me, willing him to acknowledge by some gesture that I was forgiven for the hell I had put him through.

‘Maman, did you like the surprise? Daddy and I planned it months back but I wasn't sure if he would...’

My daughter seemed at a loss for words. After the mounting tensions in our marriage in the past few months, her world had been submerged in insecurity and anxiety. Yet Ankit had gone ahead with the surprise and inspite of the fact that he was hardly acknowledging my presence now, he seemed hopeful and happy. Maybe there was still time to repair the holes in our marriage. I would do it for the sake of my daughter, I would do it for the sake of my family. I put down my daughter and asked her to go play with the other kids as I walked with purposeful steps towards Ankit. He was immersed in some heated debate and his eyes shone with excitement, something that I had robbed him off in the past few months.

‘Ankit?’ He started as I took his name. ‘I love you so much. Thanks for the surprise, it feels like the best birthday ever,’ saying so I hugged him and as I looked into his eyes I knew I was forgiven. Some of his friends whistled from behind and we laughed, listening to the lost sound of our joy after months apart.

That night I sat at the table looking at the letter Suraj had left with my brother six months back. He had promised to call me every day, promised to rescue me from the marriage that my parents had forced me into. I had waited every night for his call, faithfully believing that Suraj wouldn't abandon me. I had cheated on Ankit but I had felt no remorse, no regret until now. I took off the earrings he had gifted me on my last birthday and took a deep breadth.

I waited for your call every night Suraj.. I pleaded you to call.. Yet You didn't..

I took a bite from the birthday cake and whispered to myself, ‘To new beginnings Anita.’

As I left the room I looked back once, wondering if I could let it all go. The phone, the earrings and the cake lay on the table. But the letter was clutched tightly in my hands. Ankit deserved to know the truth, he deserved to know how his Anita had foolishly abandoned him for the superficial promises of love. His affection hadn't been enough, our daughter hadn't been enough. I had craved so much more, yet I wasn't ready to lose it all. Not today, not ever. I tore the letter and burnt the pieces and holding my head high I walked towards the bedroom towards new beginnings.

 This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.