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A
thousand knives pierce its soul
Blinded
by promises that overwhelm the mind
Shrouded
by folly and foul.
Yet
hope flutters her sprightly wings
Doubt
etches rays of trust
Caught
in this ever frightening whirlpool
That
threatens but all to dust.
Let
the pain burn ever more brighter
Until
this heart is but left stoned
Waves
crashing on its cold surface
May
perish decried and condoned.
Still
hope flutters her sprightly wings
Igniting
flames of love
As
tears drip down unwary cheeks
And
the heavens break above.
Beautiful! Hope does keeps us all going. Doesn't look like your first attempt :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Vinodini!! Had to tax my brains real hard to come up with this!! ;)
Deletewhoa, that was beautiful. I agree, first attempt?:P naah hehe
ReplyDeleteI loved the third verse,i do like stories of hope but there's something about pain that is raw and beautiful to connect with :)
Thank you Sabeeha!! True there is something really beautiful about pain as well.. :)
DeleteFirst attempt? Are you serious? This is brilliant my lady.
ReplyDeleteRhymed poetry is orgasmic for me and this one was really really good. Keep up the good work!
P.S: Try not to use full stops in poems, a comma here and there is fine. But full stops somehow say that this is the end. Just a suggestion :)
Thanks for the suggestion Soumya.. And glad you loved it. :D
DeleteVery nice attempt at first go, are you sure you arent distorting facts just to earn brownie points :p
ReplyDeleteWaise background story to the poem as a beginner would help better the readers to connect
Brownie points? Lol!! Naah.. Took me three days to write it.. And thanks Sneh for the suggestion. :D
DeleteBeautiful , your first poem? you sailed through the litmus test with ease..kudos :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Sahiti!! :)
DeleteThank you so much Ashwin!! :D
ReplyDeleteYou brought positiveness after the pain...Hope during despair.
ReplyDeleteLoved this one babe!
doesnt seem like ur first :)
Thanks Red!! So much!! :*
DeleteNicely done, Anusree. Great maiden attempt.
ReplyDeleteWrite more! :)
Thank you Anita!! :)
DeleteOh look! We've also got a poet!!! Anything else coming along that we should know about? I already know you are a 9-pointer (Shhhh!)
ReplyDeleteHonestly?? Don't start. :P
DeleteI know everything about u since childhood,ur homework fundas and all...Writing...is it weapon...keep it up dear,,love u as always I do..
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Chandana di!! Love you too!!
DeleteThis is beautiful. Like Soumya, I ask - First attempt???
ReplyDeleteI wish I could write something like this. :)
Yes Saru!! And thanks a lot!! :)
DeleteWoowww.. Anu!!! Its beautiful.. Such a great poem at your 1st attempt!!!! Lovely!! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Prits!! :*
Deletebeautiful poetry....Your blog is very beautiful!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the kind words Sanjay.. :)
DeleteIts raw emotions , that make a poem good . And yours is for sure
ReplyDeleteIts raw emotions , that make a poem good . And yours is for sure
ReplyDeleteThank you so much.. And welcome to my blog. :)
Delete